Thanatos and Orpheus // Private Thread for the Win

[itsnotaleash]

[Thanatos can be found in the dorm room asleep on a pile of ancient tomes. There are a whole bunch of them scattered about his sleeping person and even a few across the room, most of those tomes open or bent from obvious abuse. Seems when they're useless, Thanatos throws them aside in frustration before preying on the next. It doesn't help most of them are in languages Thanatos doesn't know and so he outright can't use them in his sudden quest for research. Who knows how long he has been at this... It doesn't seem like he'll be asleep like that for any much longer either since he's going through all the signs he's in one of his nightmares.]

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[clockstopped]

[And it was only just now that all of Thanatos' scoldings for zoning out in his thoughts while in the mall have finally caught up with him. Since after Margaret's word, he didn't go straight back. Too busy trying to organize what to say or not say or how to word it properly and before he realized it, it was almost impossible to walk. Only slightly more surprising was that he wasn't being yelled at yet, physically dragged back to the dorm while being lectured and fallen asleep on so he can't escape.]

[Which was made obvious when the door opened, eyes widening a bit at the sudden mountains of books everywhere. He's... actually doing research? And not passing it off for me to do? ...It's enough of a shock to stop the constant shaking, though whether it's just from the pain or being emotionally strung out is another debate. But after closing the door and walking over enough to see the sleeping Thanatos... Cue straining with one of the book piles to move it off the bed, sitting next to and preening his hair. Calm down, it's just a dream, etc.]

[itsnotaleash.livejournal.com]

[Orpheus only has to preen Thanatos' hair for a short moment before Thanatos jerks out of his nightmare. You'd think he was having a heart attack with the way he tenses and gasps for air until he relaxes and closes his eyes. That always smarts. When he speaks his voice is soft from exhaustion but he tries to smile when he looks up at his Assistant]

... Orpheus? Hey... You came back from the Mall on your own for once. I was going to get you, otherwise...

[clockstopped]

["Otherwise". Still worrying about me when you're like this. The hand stops preening for a moment, lifting just high enough to still be nearby without the other picking up on his constant spasms. What an in-character thing for you to do. Back to preening, looking away to the stack of books now located on the ground. Don't even have to ask what they're about...]

I'm sorry. I just lose track of time so easily... [Nowadays, at least. It's easy to lose awareness of something when it no longer affects you.]

[itsnotaleash.livejournal.com]

[Lets himself be pet as he moves the book he had been using as a makeshift pillow.] You should get a watch, Orpheus. Even a pocket watch would suffice. ...Right? Then you wouldn't lose track of time so much...

[Reaches for Orpheus' face and continues to look sad while trying to smile.] I don't mean to be so possessive, I know you don't like it at all... I'm just worried about you, since you don't listen to me if I'm not commanding you because you're so stubborn. That's just how you are...

[clockstopped]

I guess... [Note to self, buy one next time you go out. Now watch tomorrow when he forgets and passes out again. For someone so smart, your assistant... is an airhead.]

[So stubborn that even if you did command him, he wouldn't take it easily. A slight frown at his words before holding the hand on his face with his free hand. And slowly lowering it. Nothing against you man, but we just don't want you to catch to how badly we're trying not to freak out over this. Damnit Margaret.] You don't have to be worried about me. I'm capable of looking after myself, sir.

[itsnotaleash.livejournal.com]

Please, don't... You always say that but it doesn't make me feel any less worried about you. Just let me worry about you, because someone has to when you don't worry about yourself enough.

[Slumps a bit.] If you worried about yourself you wouldn't stay at the Mall so long that it hurts you.

[clockstopped]

[Silent, because... he's right, in a way. But why say your thoughts? It's not like you're allowed to, either way. Better to just keep it to yourself and nudge the ones who CAN do something in the right direction. It's all you can do anymore.]

[Back to preening after that hesitation, not even aware he stopped for a few minutes there. But at least the silence ends.] If I worried about myself, I wouldn't the me I am now.

[itsnotaleash.livejournal.com]

Orpheus, please... [Squeezes Orpheus' hand tight.] You have to start worrying about yourself as well. I can't stand the thought of losing you...

[clockstopped]

[Now he might be latched on tight enough to notice the shaking. So emotionally strained over conversations like this. Because how could you ask me something like that? You know I can't. Or maybe you don't know, it's not like I ever explained why I think this way. Oh right, you're expecting an answer.] I have more important things to worry about than myself.

[itsnotaleash.livejournal.com]

What's more important than you?

[clockstopped]

You know I can't answer that.

[itsnotaleash.livejournal.com]

You have to.

[clockstopped]

[Twitch. Why are you making me say this all it proves is I fail as an Assistant but an order's an order. So... I have to explain. But I'm not good at explaining my trains of thought. Still holding your hand, but the one in your hair lets go. Pulling his legs to his chest, wrapping said arm around them and resting his chin on his knees. Zoning out now, but less ignoring you and more trying to come up with an answer. Knows you'll be listening, but listening isn't the same as understanding. Take the silence as you will, this'll take a few minutes.]

[itsnotaleash.livejournal.com]

[Continues to hold Orpheus' hand and stays silent as he waits for an answer... He also shifts a bit closer and leans his head against Orpheus' shoulder to give a small amount of support to his Assistant. We do all this because we love you even though you are so stubborn.]

[clockstopped]

[But why can't you have that brand of love that just leaves me to my own devices and not turn my stubborn tendencies against me? And don't mind us. Just stealing one of the random tomes still on the bed, flipping to a random page and staring. One of those ones where you couldn't understand what it was written in, but judging by his eyes glancing over the lines, it seems like he can. Silence. Page flip. More silence.]

When someone asks you 'what is the world', what do you think of?

[itsnotaleash.livejournal.com]

I think of how you need to stop dodging the question, Orpheus.

[clockstopped]

Dodging the question? [Looks up from book. Blinks. Stare. Long expanse of silence. Still staring. Blink again.] Is that so...?

[Cue closing book and smacking you in the face with the cover. NO REMORSE. Then putting it back down to the page he was on before. Just like getting your knuckles thwacked with a ruler in Catholic school. ... Except infinitely more painful.] Most people would think of the Earth, right?

[itsnotaleash.livejournal.com]

[Grabs at his head once he's hit with the book.] Of course most people would think of the Earth, that's what the world is.

[clockstopped]

No, it's not. [Slams cover closed. Then just going back to burying his face in his arms. Deep breaths, stay calm, can't get upset over this even though every word you say from here on out is treason to the rules of the Velvet Room.]

I don't see it that way. I just... All I can picture are the faces of the friends I've made. So just the thought of any one of you suffering... It's like standing and watching a part of my world get destroyed.

[Yes. Even though I'm not supposed to think that way. That being an assistant means I just have to stand aside and let that happen. But at least now it's obvious why he goes into an existential crisis whenever one of those Midnight Channel things happens. And you even got sentences out of it! Even though the last part is said barely above a whisper-] I don't mind ceasing to exist. As long as that world remains unharmed... I'm not important in comparison.

[itsnotaleash.livejournal.com]

Even though I was only a part of the world for two months on my own, I understand what you're saying right now. After all, you are my world... [Thanatos runs his hands through his hair to slick it back as he starts to shake.] So, how can you say you're not important in comparison? I mind if you cease to exist because my world would be lost! That's why... [Clutches at his face.] It hurts so much that you don't care about yourself when you're more important than anyone else! You're so selfless...

Except, I need you... Orpheus...

[clockstopped]

[More important than anyone else, he says. Pffffff-] I'm not. I'm just another statistic.

[Although now in the numbers of those dead rather than alive. But you can catch that on your own time. Instead, just lifts his head up enough to watch you grabbing at your own face again. And lifting a hand to take one of yours to pull it away.] Idiot...

You'll be fine without me.

[itsnotaleash.livejournal.com]

[Jerks his hand out of Orpheus grip and lurches forward so his head is now against Orpheus' chest as he sobs.] No! You're not just another statistic. You're Orpheus. [Clutches onto the fabric of Orpheus' suit as he continues.]

I won't be fine without you! Without my world, I'll suffer all alone... I'd rather cease to exist...

[clockstopped]

[Jumps a bit when he pulls away, backing up on reflex, but it quickly turns to propping himself up with one arm when the other starts sobbing. Then the arm Thanatos let go of before is now wrapped around his shoulders tightly, consoling him as he sobs.] "Orpheus" is just the name of a person. I'm not as special as you all seem to think...

[And winces at the second part. Want to object to that so badly it's physically painful. But... switching the situation around, we can now sympathize with your opinion. But even so.] Don't ever say that again. I won't forgive you.

[itsnotaleash.livejournal.com]

You're special to me, Orpheus. I don't care how selfish that sounds... I need you... No matter what your name is!

[Proceeds to just sob into Orpheus' suit all the harder.] Then why is it okay for you to say all that about it being all right if you cease to exist? You can't cease to exist! You can't...

[clockstopped]

You're missing my point.

[And... silence for a bit. Never said I wanted to disappear. Just if I had to, then I don't mind. Lowers his face to be buried in your hair, quiet voice further muffled by the action.] Because if you allowed yourself to disappear, you'd make my sacrifice worthless.