Thanatos and Orpheus // Private Thread for the Win

[itsnotaleash]

[Thanatos can be found in the dorm room asleep on a pile of ancient tomes. There are a whole bunch of them scattered about his sleeping person and even a few across the room, most of those tomes open or bent from obvious abuse. Seems when they're useless, Thanatos throws them aside in frustration before preying on the next. It doesn't help most of them are in languages Thanatos doesn't know and so he outright can't use them in his sudden quest for research. Who knows how long he has been at this... It doesn't seem like he'll be asleep like that for any much longer either since he's going through all the signs he's in one of his nightmares.]

Comments

[clockstopped]

[Silent, because... he's right, in a way. But why say your thoughts? It's not like you're allowed to, either way. Better to just keep it to yourself and nudge the ones who CAN do something in the right direction. It's all you can do anymore.]

[Back to preening after that hesitation, not even aware he stopped for a few minutes there. But at least the silence ends.] If I worried about myself, I wouldn't the me I am now.

[itsnotaleash.livejournal.com]

Orpheus, please... [Squeezes Orpheus' hand tight.] You have to start worrying about yourself as well. I can't stand the thought of losing you...

[clockstopped]

[Now he might be latched on tight enough to notice the shaking. So emotionally strained over conversations like this. Because how could you ask me something like that? You know I can't. Or maybe you don't know, it's not like I ever explained why I think this way. Oh right, you're expecting an answer.] I have more important things to worry about than myself.

[itsnotaleash.livejournal.com]

What's more important than you?

[clockstopped]

You know I can't answer that.

[itsnotaleash.livejournal.com]

You have to.

[clockstopped]

[Twitch. Why are you making me say this all it proves is I fail as an Assistant but an order's an order. So... I have to explain. But I'm not good at explaining my trains of thought. Still holding your hand, but the one in your hair lets go. Pulling his legs to his chest, wrapping said arm around them and resting his chin on his knees. Zoning out now, but less ignoring you and more trying to come up with an answer. Knows you'll be listening, but listening isn't the same as understanding. Take the silence as you will, this'll take a few minutes.]

[itsnotaleash.livejournal.com]

[Continues to hold Orpheus' hand and stays silent as he waits for an answer... He also shifts a bit closer and leans his head against Orpheus' shoulder to give a small amount of support to his Assistant. We do all this because we love you even though you are so stubborn.]

[clockstopped]

[But why can't you have that brand of love that just leaves me to my own devices and not turn my stubborn tendencies against me? And don't mind us. Just stealing one of the random tomes still on the bed, flipping to a random page and staring. One of those ones where you couldn't understand what it was written in, but judging by his eyes glancing over the lines, it seems like he can. Silence. Page flip. More silence.]

When someone asks you 'what is the world', what do you think of?

[itsnotaleash.livejournal.com]

I think of how you need to stop dodging the question, Orpheus.

[clockstopped]

Dodging the question? [Looks up from book. Blinks. Stare. Long expanse of silence. Still staring. Blink again.] Is that so...?

[Cue closing book and smacking you in the face with the cover. NO REMORSE. Then putting it back down to the page he was on before. Just like getting your knuckles thwacked with a ruler in Catholic school. ... Except infinitely more painful.] Most people would think of the Earth, right?

[itsnotaleash.livejournal.com]

[Grabs at his head once he's hit with the book.] Of course most people would think of the Earth, that's what the world is.

[clockstopped]

No, it's not. [Slams cover closed. Then just going back to burying his face in his arms. Deep breaths, stay calm, can't get upset over this even though every word you say from here on out is treason to the rules of the Velvet Room.]

I don't see it that way. I just... All I can picture are the faces of the friends I've made. So just the thought of any one of you suffering... It's like standing and watching a part of my world get destroyed.

[Yes. Even though I'm not supposed to think that way. That being an assistant means I just have to stand aside and let that happen. But at least now it's obvious why he goes into an existential crisis whenever one of those Midnight Channel things happens. And you even got sentences out of it! Even though the last part is said barely above a whisper-] I don't mind ceasing to exist. As long as that world remains unharmed... I'm not important in comparison.

[itsnotaleash.livejournal.com]

Even though I was only a part of the world for two months on my own, I understand what you're saying right now. After all, you are my world... [Thanatos runs his hands through his hair to slick it back as he starts to shake.] So, how can you say you're not important in comparison? I mind if you cease to exist because my world would be lost! That's why... [Clutches at his face.] It hurts so much that you don't care about yourself when you're more important than anyone else! You're so selfless...

Except, I need you... Orpheus...

[clockstopped]

[More important than anyone else, he says. Pffffff-] I'm not. I'm just another statistic.

[Although now in the numbers of those dead rather than alive. But you can catch that on your own time. Instead, just lifts his head up enough to watch you grabbing at your own face again. And lifting a hand to take one of yours to pull it away.] Idiot...

You'll be fine without me.

[itsnotaleash.livejournal.com]

[Jerks his hand out of Orpheus grip and lurches forward so his head is now against Orpheus' chest as he sobs.] No! You're not just another statistic. You're Orpheus. [Clutches onto the fabric of Orpheus' suit as he continues.]

I won't be fine without you! Without my world, I'll suffer all alone... I'd rather cease to exist...

[clockstopped]

[Jumps a bit when he pulls away, backing up on reflex, but it quickly turns to propping himself up with one arm when the other starts sobbing. Then the arm Thanatos let go of before is now wrapped around his shoulders tightly, consoling him as he sobs.] "Orpheus" is just the name of a person. I'm not as special as you all seem to think...

[And winces at the second part. Want to object to that so badly it's physically painful. But... switching the situation around, we can now sympathize with your opinion. But even so.] Don't ever say that again. I won't forgive you.

[itsnotaleash.livejournal.com]

You're special to me, Orpheus. I don't care how selfish that sounds... I need you... No matter what your name is!

[Proceeds to just sob into Orpheus' suit all the harder.] Then why is it okay for you to say all that about it being all right if you cease to exist? You can't cease to exist! You can't...

[clockstopped]

You're missing my point.

[And... silence for a bit. Never said I wanted to disappear. Just if I had to, then I don't mind. Lowers his face to be buried in your hair, quiet voice further muffled by the action.] Because if you allowed yourself to disappear, you'd make my sacrifice worthless.

[itsnotaleash.livejournal.com]

I-I'm not...

[A soft whimper as he buries his face even closer against Orpheus' chest. He never wants to let go of his Assistant.]

Your sacrifice would never be worthless to your friends... It's all my fault you had to make that sacrifice in the first place... If I fail to save you from ceasing to exist, it would be all the better for me to be destroyed and your world to continue as it always will, thanks to you...

[clockstopped]

[Sits up another to wrap both arms around him, one hand preening the hair on the back of the other's head. Consoling and supporting as ever. Maybe you think that way, but I don't. Boundless understanding and forgiveness. Must be a Messiah thing.]

You deserve a chance to live too, Ryoji. Don't condemn yourself for sins that aren't yours.

[Why yes, that was the first name you heard. Why do you ask?]

[itsnotaleash.livejournal.com]

[Thanatos cries in Orpheus' arms, though this time it's brought on at the mention of his name while a human living with innocence. Did that name even belong to him anymore? He had no innocence... Not as a Shadow. Not as a Fusionist. Of course those sins had been his own. He was always Death above all other titles...] I-I want to live with you, Minato.

If I lose you, then I lose my chance to live! Please... At least try to fight your fate. I'll be there at your side while you do. I won't give up, all right?

[clockstopped]

[You're not the one who asked for Nyx to appear. If anyone is to be blamed, even the Seal protecting them all would sooner place condemnation on humanity itself before you.] With me? ... Why?

[But at least your words are starting to sink in a bit. Stop being stubborn, why are you going to try so hard for something that's inevitable? But at the same time, isn't this just one massive role reversal from December 31st? Even if that doesn't explain why you'd go this far just for me. ... Stubborn idiot superior.]

[One of the hands holding you in place is removed to cover his own eyes. Soft, barely qualifying for the definition, but it's still laughter before speaking. Even though Thanatos might still notice the few tears falling on his head. Only they're not out of sorrow like yours.] I still don't get you.

[itsnotaleash.livejournal.com]

'Why...?' I've always been with you. If I lost you now, it would be like losing half of who I am. [Releases his grip on Orpheus' suit and wraps his arms around his Assistant as tight as possible. His Assistant is crying... ]

It's just like December 31st, isn't it...? I didn't get you then just like you don't get me now. Why fight the inevitable? However, you fought the inevitable and won... It gives me hope that I can do the same and save you. No matter the sacrifice.

[clockstopped]

[Blinks a bit as the clinging as it switches to having his lungs crushed in a hug. Completely unaware of his own tears? Most likely. Being stoic all the time has its downsides. But the unsaid retort to your words doesn't come. That last word. Sacrifice? No. I won't allow you to be sacrificed like I was. You or anyone else. Not as long as I have a say in it, at least.]

[And even if the only reason is to prevent that from happening, you still get the answer you want.] I'll try, then.