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[Thanatos can be found in the dorm room asleep on a pile of ancient tomes. There are a whole bunch of them scattered about his sleeping person and even a few across the room, most of those tomes open or bent from obvious abuse. Seems when they're useless, Thanatos throws them aside in frustration before preying on the next. It doesn't help most of them are in languages Thanatos doesn't know and so he outright can't use them in his sudden quest for research. Who knows how long he has been at this... It doesn't seem like he'll be asleep like that for any much longer either since he's going through all the signs he's in one of his nightmares.]
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Date: 2009-05-03 03:00 am (UTC)[Back to preening after that hesitation, not even aware he stopped for a few minutes there. But at least the silence ends.] If I worried about myself, I wouldn't the me I am now.
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Date: 2009-05-03 05:06 am (UTC)When someone asks you 'what is the world', what do you think of?
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Date: 2009-05-03 06:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-03 06:12 am (UTC)[Cue closing book and smacking you in the face with the cover. NO REMORSE. Then putting it back down to the page he was on before. Just like getting your knuckles thwacked with a ruler in Catholic school. ... Except infinitely more painful.] Most people would think of the Earth, right?
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Date: 2009-05-03 06:22 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-03 06:58 am (UTC)I don't see it that way. I just... All I can picture are the faces of the friends I've made. So just the thought of any one of you suffering... It's like standing and watching a part of my world get destroyed.
[Yes. Even though I'm not supposed to think that way. That being an assistant means I just have to stand aside and let that happen. But at least now it's obvious why he goes into an existential crisis whenever one of those Midnight Channel things happens. And you even got sentences out of it! Even though the last part is said barely above a whisper-] I don't mind ceasing to exist. As long as that world remains unharmed... I'm not important in comparison.
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Date: 2009-05-03 07:43 am (UTC)Except, I need you... Orpheus...
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Date: 2009-05-03 08:04 am (UTC)[Although now in the numbers of those dead rather than alive. But you can catch that on your own time. Instead, just lifts his head up enough to watch you grabbing at your own face again. And lifting a hand to take one of yours to pull it away.] Idiot...
You'll be fine without me.
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Date: 2009-05-03 08:14 am (UTC)I won't be fine without you! Without my world, I'll suffer all alone... I'd rather cease to exist...
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Date: 2009-05-03 08:29 am (UTC)[And winces at the second part. Want to object to that so badly it's physically painful. But... switching the situation around, we can now sympathize with your opinion. But even so.] Don't ever say that again. I won't forgive you.
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Date: 2009-05-03 08:39 am (UTC)[Proceeds to just sob into Orpheus' suit all the harder.] Then why is it okay for you to say all that about it being all right if you cease to exist? You can't cease to exist! You can't...
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Date: 2009-05-03 08:56 am (UTC)[And... silence for a bit. Never said I wanted to disappear. Just if I had to, then I don't mind. Lowers his face to be buried in your hair, quiet voice further muffled by the action.] Because if you allowed yourself to disappear, you'd make my sacrifice worthless.
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Date: 2009-05-03 09:07 am (UTC)[A soft whimper as he buries his face even closer against Orpheus' chest. He never wants to let go of his Assistant.]
Your sacrifice would never be worthless to your friends... It's all my fault you had to make that sacrifice in the first place... If I fail to save you from ceasing to exist, it would be all the better for me to be destroyed and your world to continue as it always will, thanks to you...
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Date: 2009-05-03 09:20 am (UTC)You deserve a chance to live too, Ryoji. Don't condemn yourself for sins that aren't yours.
[Why yes, that was the first name you heard. Why do you ask?]
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Date: 2009-05-03 09:34 am (UTC)If I lose you, then I lose my chance to live! Please... At least try to fight your fate. I'll be there at your side while you do. I won't give up, all right?
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Date: 2009-05-03 10:12 am (UTC)[But at least your words are starting to sink in a bit. Stop being stubborn, why are you going to try so hard for something that's inevitable? But at the same time, isn't this just one massive role reversal from December 31st? Even if that doesn't explain why you'd go this far just for me. ... Stubborn idiot superior.]
[One of the hands holding you in place is removed to cover his own eyes. Soft, barely qualifying for the definition, but it's still laughter before speaking. Even though Thanatos might still notice the few tears falling on his head. Only they're not out of sorrow like yours.] I still don't get you.
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Date: 2009-05-03 07:45 pm (UTC)It's just like December 31st, isn't it...? I didn't get you then just like you don't get me now. Why fight the inevitable? However, you fought the inevitable and won... It gives me hope that I can do the same and save you. No matter the sacrifice.
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Date: 2009-05-04 02:40 am (UTC)[And even if the only reason is to prevent that from happening, you still get the answer you want.] I'll try, then.
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